He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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