Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
