I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I touched a dick in church today
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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