Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
