Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize