Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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