Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
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