She's JV to your varsity
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
