thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Your dad touched me again.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
