It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
She needs sedatives and a leash
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
