I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
