I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
