Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
