you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
