another moral hangover. fuck.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Randomize
