this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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