Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Who died my cat blue again?
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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