hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize