I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
