what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
