Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Randomize
