I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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