4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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