Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
