That's intense
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
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