He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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