My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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