How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
