at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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