you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
