put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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