1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
BRING THE BAGELS
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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