Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Randomize
