I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
A+ Viking dick
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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