If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
