We named our party play list daddy issues
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
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