Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize