I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize