He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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