I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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