no, he came in my armpit
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
