I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
