Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Randomize
