I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
