yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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