I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
