ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
