yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Randomize