when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
People in love make me want to vomit
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
