You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize