He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
