So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
