it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
