I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
