And the cops told us we were all naked.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
