You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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