Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize