I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
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