Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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