He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
