I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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