420 ftw
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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