If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
