1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
nutella sex= disaster
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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