cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
