I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
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