Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Randomize
