I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
