Christians are straight up FREAKS
you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
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