I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
