4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Soap is not a condiment
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
