When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
