you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
