Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Randomize
