I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Do you remember whose house we're in?
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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