Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
