jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
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