...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
