Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
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