the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Randomize
