There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
