I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
