His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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