dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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