oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
