I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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