I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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