I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
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