K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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