I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
