u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
You smell like stripper and shame
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
The power of my boobs compel you
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize