Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
