feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
