Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize