So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Randomize
