im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
