i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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