So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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