I think I just saw someone hide a body.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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