i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
