Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize