We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
