Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
