She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Randomize
