I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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