Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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