For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
