How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
