So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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