so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
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