Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
